The Realist

Last week I got an email from a friend with the normal banter.  However, after I responded I realized that maybe my reply was a little harsh.  I guess "harsh" isn't really the word.  Maybe more like blunt.  Either way, I questioned my response.  Was it too mean?  Did I upset them?  By no means was my email mean, but the realist in me came out.  Call me Debbie Downer.  Negative Nancy.  Pessimistic Peggy.  Okay.  I just made that one up.  But you get it.  That's me!

I think I've always been a realist in life.  I've never been the dreamer.  The explorer.  Any of those.  I am down to earth.  I am analytical.  But has my realism turned into pessimism?  It is hard to not have a negative outlook on things.  I mean any positive thinking I had went away when we learned Mackenzie was seriously ill.  Once that hit, I lost any sense of optimism that was ever in my body. 

The problem is that even though I am, and always have been, a realist I don't seem to allow the "dreamers" to dream.  Even though I know what they're saying is absurd, I can't dash their hopes and dreams.  I need to encourage their thinking just like I'd like it if they were to boast my sense of reality.

There is a show called Felicity that I watched just about the entire summer after I graduated from college.  One line in the theme song is "I need a new version of me" (and I'm sure he is cracking up just reading this part).  Ryan will occasionally sing this line and make fun of the show and song.  Secretly he probably liked the show as much as I did.  Either way.  I think that's what I need.  I need to have a new version of me.  I can't go back to the original Liz.  She is gone.  In reality, she died with Mackenzie.  The Liz that is here is better, stronger, more aware of her surroundings.  I have optimism in me, but it is tucked away deep in my heart.  There are three special people that allow me to be optimistic more than any other people, but I have to learn to use that towards everyone.  Not just my three loves.