Perfect Pregnancy Gone Wrong

Most people do not know the true story of what happened to us, so I thought I'd finally post it and get it out there. Here is our nightmare:

From the beginning of my pregnancy, I knew this baby would be a girl. I guess you could say I had that feeling inside, not to mention it seemed to be a duplicate of my pregnancy with Emma. The pregnancy went very well, I didn't gain a lot of weight, wasn't miserable, continued to work out, no sickness, etc. I always appeared small to people, but I figured it was just because I was exercising more than I had with Emma. I also always asked the doctor and he said that my fundal height was normal - therefore, I never worried.

I declined any tests that the office provided, mainly because that is what we did with Emma and with the first pregnancy I was under the impression they just tested for Downs and Cystic Fibrosis - which wouldn't have made me do anything to the pregnancy. I did not know that the combination of tests could diagnose other problems (of course even the combination of tests are still not that accurate). Next time, I will welcome all tests!

Mackenzie was due March 19th. That day came and went. Finally, we planned to go in on March 26th to get prostaglandin (to help ripen the cervix, as my body was not acting like it was my 2nd pregnancy) and then I was to begin the induction in the morning. When we got there that evening, the doctor said I didn't need the prostaglandin because I was already dilated a little - too much to receive the medicine. Instead of sending me home, she let me stay and said we would start the pitocin in the morning. I started having somewhat painful contractions around 11 pm and the nurses came in. It appeared as though the baby's heart rate was dropping. They flipped me, gave me oxygen and all seemed to help. I didn't think it was a big deal - I had a similar reaction with Emma's delivery. Later in the night, they ended up giving me a drug to slow down my contractions because it was causing the baby stress. They did slow a bit, but I guess later while I was sleeping something happened and 2 or 3 nurses were all of a sudden in my room, lights flipped on. They were rotating me, making to get on my knees, attaching oxygen masks to my face. At this point I was scared and I can't imagine what Ryan was thinking.

The doctor called my room and told me she was driving in to perform an emergency c-section because the baby was in distress and couldn't handle the contractions. She told me that an angel must have been watching over us because if we had been at home, the baby probably would have died in the womb. I think about this comment everyday.

When she was pulled out, they measured her. When Ryan came over holding her and told me she was only 17.5 inches, I knew immediately something was wrong. I never knew it would be what it was, but I guess deep down I knew. Later that day after being moved to my postpartum room, a nurse from the nursery came in and told us they were going to bring her to the NICU because she was having trouble breathing. No worries - yet. Later a doctor came in and said that they believe she had Turner Syndrome and possibly a heart problem, but were having a cardiologist look at her. Automatically I began worrying about Turner's. Would my child be normal? Would this make her life difficult? I had no idea that it wouldn't even matter - it was about to get worse. A lot worse! The echocardiologist came in and said "I have some really bad news" and proceeded to tell us about Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. I just started crying. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. What in the world did I do to deserve this? Even then I don't think I understood the multitude of what this would entail. I never thought this meant death (at least not at that point).

Later that day they transferred her to a specialty hospital, while I remained in the hospital alone to recover from my surgery. Family members would call and text and I couldn't answer my phone. I knew if I did, I would break down and cry. It was probably the worst few days of my life thus far. After I was released, we visited her in the NICU at Christus Santa Rosa Hospital. She stayed there until Wednesday, which is when she had the surgery to repair the heart defect. After that she was brought up to the PICU. She had her own room and was doing well, but the sight of her chest being open was devastating. I didn't think I'd actually be able to see it beating. The nurses were really nice and helpful. They answered questions, provided us with information and made us feel welcome. The doctors seemed to be fond of Mackenzie which was reassuring.

She had an episode the day after her surgery (Thursday afternoon) when we were about to head home to pick up Emma. Her heart rate dropped, they rushed us out of the room - very scary. After half an hour, they came in and told us she was doing well and that from her tests you would never even know something had happened. Friday was a good day. The nurse in the room brought music in for her and was playing a classical version of songs from The Beatles. She opened her eyes a lot that day. Maybe it was her way of saying good-bye. We had planned for our first weekend up there with her to be able to spend lots of time with her. On Friday night we were brushing our teeth for bed, when my cell phone rang. It was the nurse and she said that Mackenzie wasn't doing well and we needed to come up there. I drove there and Ryan's parents met us there (my mom stayed at home with Emma). When we got there, the doctor was sitting at the desk and just shook his head. I could not believe this. Why in the world did this happen to us? To her?

The thing I ponder the most about all of this is why didn't I just have a miscarriage? Why didn't something happen to warn us in someway? Why was she brought into the world just to be taken out of it? I guess we'll never know these answer and maybe they're beyond our realm, but I guess I have now learned that I should never take anything for granted.

Thanks for everyone that supported us and helped us get through the most difficult time in our life. We love and appreciate you all!